


Savage Beauty

by Again_n_Again



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Car Troubles, Dreams, Fruit bouquets, Heavy Petting, Kissing, M/M, Roses, dates that are not really dates, freaking pynch all the way, hahaha I just said heavy petting, oh the angst, pynch - Freeform, sleeping beauty....i know!, some making out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 19:18:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5387315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Again_n_Again/pseuds/Again_n_Again
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cabeswater is getting impatient and Adam accidentally/on purpose sends Ronan an edible fruit arrangement. </p><p>Why does Adam do this to himself?  What the hell was that supposed to mean?  Who knows?  Ronan sure as hell doesn't.</p><p>They should take their shirts off and find out. </p><p> </p><p>I'm so sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Savage Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> I don't feel like editing this, so there will probably be like 100 shifts between past and present tense. sorry for the headache.

The dream hasn’t changed.  He’s had it 6 times over the last two weeks and it never fails to rattle him awake.  

It doesn't disappoint tonight; Adam jerks awake, gasping for more air into his aching lungs.  His arms shake.  His teeth clatter. Tonight is no different.  Adam Parrish wakes in his bed, his sheets tacky with sweat, his hands barely responding as he grabs his sheet and throws them off his body; he’s too hot.  Gingerly, he swings his legs over the side of the bed and places his feet on the floor; it’s cold, and helps to cool him down.

“ _Thank God I’m awake. Thank God I’m awake.   Thank God I’m awake.”_  

Scrubbing his hands over his face, he rises, and walks to the cramped kitchen.  In front of the sink he pauses, hanging his head in exhaustion.   He needs water, but his body is still overrun with nerves.  So he takes a moment to just lean on the counter before grabbing a glass.  His throat is raw from screams that never were and tears that never really fell, and when he drinks it’s in big grateful gulps that fill his stomach with as much air as water.

Now sleep.   _Holy Hell_ , how he needs some sleep, but as he turns to get back in bed, he stills…his heart stalling between two beats.   Ronan Lynch is lying on his floor. 

He doesn’t look comfortable; his arms are wrapped around himself.  The one measly blanket Adam had to offer him is rolled up in a twisted mass next to him, almost as if it was another person lying with him.  Adam’s heart kicks into overdrive, because even in the dark Ronan’s face looks the same as it did in the dream.  He cheeks, slightly concave, his noble chin and brows, strong and defiant, even in sleep.  Adam licks his lips.  He can see Ronan’s chest slowly rising and falling with the intake of breath, so he knows he has nothing to fear.  It was a dream.  Ronan is just asleep.  Everything is _OKAY_.   But he still has no idea why Cabeswater keeps assaulting him with this particular dream? Vision?  Either way it’s unbearable.  Because in the dream Ronan looks relatively the same, except that his forearms were always torn to ribbons and his chest doesn’t rise and fall with the inhale and exhale of life.  Because in the dream Ronan is dead.

It goes like this:

Adam is walking in a vast field.  There is no end in sight.  From horizon to horizon there is nothing but scrubby grass and the occasional half-hearted bush.  Nothing much of anything.  But then he hears it, a chilling cry, a screeching coming from the sky above him.  He looks up, hand rising to cover his eyes from the too-bright glare of the sun; large black birds are flying up, higher and higher into the sky from somewhere is the distant landscape.  The birds are far away, and now flying further towards the horizon, but the sight of them gets Adam’s feet moving.  He is running, running faster than his legs can really manage, because even from here Adam was standing, he can tell that they are too big to just be crows or ravens.  Even from the ground he can see the length of their talons and the breadth of their slick wings and the devil-like curve of their beaks. 

Adam runs.  There is not enough air in his lungs as he frantically searches the field.  He knows what he will find, but the grass is too high, he can’t see more than a few feet in front of him at a time, and then, he almost stumbles over him.  It’s Ronan, on his back in the grass.  Long, terrible rivers of red carving their way down his arms.  He’s too late.  He’s not breathing.  He’s just laying there, no fight left in him at all and it’s just so unnatural, so wrong, that Adam can only stare for a moment before dropping to his knees.  He howls out in grief.  He body is a hurricane of rage and grief and guilt.  The sound echoes through the dead field.   Dead.  Everything is Dead.  

Adam screams, he cries, he rips the grass from the ground in an effort to find purchase over anything at all - and then, from earth thorns start to grow.  He pauses for just a moment.  They reach up from the dirt, fast and winding; they curve themselves around Ronan like a shroud, like a tomb.  The vines are thick and menacing and as Adam watches them overtake his best friend;  they sprout luscious back roses.  The roses take over, rich in abundance and size until they are blocking Ronan from view.  Adam can’t stand it.  He rips at the vines, his own hands and arms being torn in the process.  He doesn’t care.  He tares at the plant mercilessly, tears running down his face and he pulls the thorns up from their roots.  Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he’s destroying himself too. He can feel his strength ebbing.   Finally, finally, he gets to Ronan.  It is just them two - surrounded by shards and blood and destruction.  He kneels next to him.  His face is still so beautiful. Savage just like this horrible place – but beautiful.   Ronan was always the beautiful one; Inside and outside.  Always.  Adam leans down, all his energy leaving him now, his own pulse too slow, and he kisses him.  He allows his lips to linger, briefly taking Ronan’s bottom lip between his.  His own tears falling into Ronan’s dark lashes.  He falls.  It goes dark.

But then something is holding him up.  With effort Adam is able to open his eyes, and he is staring into Ronan’s who are now open too.  Ronan is studying him questionably, affectionately, and then Ronan kisses him back, feather light.  Adam feels  a powerful force radiant through him.  He is able to sit up again, to disentangle himself from his friend, and when he looks down at Ronan again, he just blinks lazily back at him, as though nothing at all had just happened.  But all the roses have turned white.  They bloom anew around Ronan’s head like a crown. 

 

Adam  sits cross-legged on the side of his bed, unable to stop staring at Ronan sleeping next to him.  He doesn’t think the dream is a prophecy or a death omen or anything like he saw in the dreaming tree; It’s just his own fear probably - a push from Cabeswater.  Adam’s gotten better at reading Cabeswater now…he knows what it wants, and mostly it wants Adam to be happy…but Adam also has to be ready, he can’t rush into things just because Cabeswater is tantruming.  Can Ronan feel it too? He wonders, feeling his ears growing hot? Would Ronan tell him if it did?  Probably not, Adam had not told him anything either.   Absently, he brushes his fingers over his lips.  They _feel_ justkissed.  A mummer runs through the apartment.  _Suus 'Vicis._ The language is a rustle of leaves, water over rocks.  It’s not wrong.

 

Ronan stirs and Adam drops so quickly back down onto his side, he’s worried he’s made it worse and that he’ll have woken Ronan anyway.  The thin mattress shakes a little as he finally settles.  Adam braves one last glance, over the side to just make sure that, Yes, Ronan is breathing, and No, he doesn’t seem to be awake, and lets himself fall back asleep.

Ronan sneaks out before sunrise.  _WHAT THE FUCK was that about?_   He wonders.  He was dreaming, of course, but this time the dream was all cloudy, like a dream within a dream or something, because all he could see was Adam’s face.  He looked anguished and before Ronan could figure out what was happening he had kissed him.  Of course Adam would have to look so fucking shitty about it if he was kissing Ronan.  Of course Ronan would have this _ass-tastic_ dream with Adam sleeping right next to him.  Ronan woke and just lay there trying to control his breathing.  He had had a lot of practice with waking up and staying still.  He could hear that Adam was stirring too and he didn’t want to have to talk to him.  As far as his dreams about Adam went, this one was graciously PG, but it left him feeling oddly undone.  Adam got up and got drink.  He could hear his movements even while keeping his eyes screwed tight.  But then he heard it.  The whispering.  What the hell was Cabeswater trying to do to him!  Was it really calling him out right there?  Right then?  With Adam awake and listening!  Ronan didn’t dare move. _What a shit-show!_  A breeze, or something like a breeze tickled over his skin, and then Adam went back to bed and that was that. 

Ronan sped back to Monmouth in the dark.  It felt good to be moving.  To be doing something – anything other than lying on Adam’s floor dying of embarrassment and want.  The roads were empty and he wished, not for the first time, that it was as easy to empty his mind as it was to find empty streets.  He floored it once the light turned green, cutting tight around a corner, looking for a little something…and  then

SHIT! FUCKING BALLS! 

A fox.  A little red fox ran out into the road, only lit by Ronan’s headlights.  He swerved.  The fox froze in the middle of the street.  Ronan wretched the wheel to the right.  He was going too fast.   He tried to pull out of it….he had missed the animal but the tired were straining to follow orders.  He slammed on his brakes but the car jolted and hit up over the curb, not 3 blocks from Monmouth.

Goddammit! Ronan hissed.  He turned the car off and then on again.  Luckily it started.  It wasn’t a hard hit, but he heard as well as felt the height of the curb and the BMW definitely wasn’t high enough to deal with Henrietta sidewalks.  Ronan pulled the car back onto the road and the tires hit the pavement again with a shutter.

Going slower than he ever drove in his life, Ronan pulled into Monmouth and slammed the door shut with emphasis.

Sulking, and feeling like the night was a complete disaster he walked upstairs and showered, because, of course, he had school in a couple hours.  Wonderful.

 

Adam met Gansey and Ronan in the Aglionby parking lot as usual.  And as usual neither Ronan or Adam discussed the night before or Ronan’s disappearance.  _Did he hear? Is he freaked?  Does he know?_   Adam wondered all the while, trying to steal looks at Ronan while Ronan tried to steal looks right back.  Ganey strolled along ahead of them.  

“Oh Adam!”  Gansey paused and turned on his heels to face them, and both boys immediately stopped with him.  “Ronan here ran over a curb last night” Adam just looked to Ronan, one eyebrow raised, trying to imagine if this had anything to do with those damn blabbering trees.  Ronan was an excellent driver….what would’ve made him drive up over a curb on a clear empty morning?

“Other car?”  Adam asked, perplexed.

Ronan jostled his backpack higher on his shoulder.  “Fox.”  He answered, looking annoyed as usual.

Adam just nodded.  That made more sense.

“Well,” Gansey continued.  “We looked at it this morning, I mean, as much as we could, and the alignment seems to be off.  Is that something you could help us with?” 

Adam actually brightened at the idea.  It made him feel good to be able to offer something to the team…to Ronan.

 “Yeah.  Sure.  I can come by tonight after my shift at the garage.  I can borrow what I’ll need.”

Adam looked at Ronan then…they were, after all talking about his car right in front of him.

“No thanks, Parrish.  I can just bring it somewhere.” Ronan looked away into the distance, and Adam wasn’t sure there was anything he really was looking at, but more likely just pointedly _Not_ looking at Adam.

“You’d bring it to me anyway.” Adam noted.  The garage where he worked was the only decent one in a 15 mile radius.

“You don’t h..”

“I want to.”  Adam said, his own eyes going a little wide at the admission.  _What the hell is getting into me?_ He chided himself. _Chill out._

Ronan now was staring right back, a hard look in his eyes.  Adam would not look away first.  He could do at least that much.

Gansey just watched them both for a moment and then said:  “Well, I could use a coffee.  I’ll see you both in Latin”, before walking briskly away.

Ronan and Adam nodded, and once Gansey faded into the throngs of other students, Ronan mumbled out.

“Okay then.  Whatever.  I’ll see you tonight.

“Okay then.”  Adam agreed.  He couldn’t help but smile.

They walked to class together, and Ronan could have sworn he felt Adam’s fingers brush against his hand at least twice.  Something in the world right then shifted.  There was _something_ in the air between them.

He bumped Adam’s shoulder with his own and then put some more space between them.

“Common Parish, time to school the rest of these losers in vetus lingua.”   

 

________________________________________________

 

Adam was glad that tonight was a short shift.  Only four hours and then he could head off to Monmouth.  He wasn’t sure why if felt different tonight, but it did.  He could feel it and he was sure that Ronan could too.  It’s not that it was a date, or anywhere near that, but it was them both acknowledging that they would be spending the evening together, working together, and that was something. 

Well, Adam working and Ronan handing him tools while complaining about the heat.  Adam also felt proud that he was going to be able to do something for Ronan, that he would let him do something for him, because whether Adam allowed it or not, Ronan always found ways to do things for him.  He couldn’t help smiling again; that was new. 

He swallowed it down.  His mind drifted back to the dream.  At first he pictured the horror of it, the grief, but then he settled on the kiss.  The way Ronan’s face looked.  How soft his lips felt between his.  The knightly way he looked crowed by roses.  Before he realized it, Adam was touching his lips again, blushing profusely.

“Woah! Parrish, am I interrupting something here?”  Adam dropped the wrench he was holding into the hood of an old Subaru, and stuttered.  “No, what?  What’s up?  Do you need something?” His boss just smiled at him knowingly. 

“Uh-huh.  Anyway, Stan called out tonight, and I really need that Volvo finished asap.  I promised Miss Mackenzie, and she’s a loyal customer.  Can’t piss her off.  I’m gunna need you to cover it.”   Adam looked at the clock.  He was supposed to be at Monmouth in a little less than 45 minutes.

“How long?”  Adam asked, turning back to his boss.

“Until you finish!  Didn’t you just hear me?”   Adam nodded.  His heart falling a little. 

It shouldn’t matter. This happened all the time.  But tonight it did, and he felt the loss.  “Missing a hot date or something?”  His manager must be able to see the disappointment on his face.“No.  NO.  no.”  

“Uh-huh…..”  He said again. Watching Adam carefully.  “I’ll need to make a phone call though.  I did have…plans.” Adam went to his bag and pulled out the pre-paid cell phone he had bought himself once Gwenllian had woken.  It was an added expense, but he needed the gang to be able to reach him in an emergency.   Adam calls Ronan‘s phone to tell him what happened.  Of course he doesn’t pick up.  Ronan probably doesn’t even know where his phone is.   Adam doesn’t leave a message, because what would he even say?  He wouldn’t have left a message any other time; to do it now would seem weird.  Out of character.  He can’t bring himself to call Gansey either.   Would his disappointment show?  Would Gansey try to talk to him about it?  Adam feels locked in his own mind.  So he just hangs up the phone and goes back to work.   

He practically crawls out of the shop at 11:30, and back at St. Agnes he drops into his bed, praying that he won’t dream tonight.  Just, please.  Not tonight.   

 

_He forgot.  Or he just didn’t feel like coming.  Or he forgot.  Or he just doesn’t think about you enough to remember something you talked about for like 3 seconds first thing in the morning.  Parrish has a lot going on.  More than you._

Ronan tries to convince himself that he doesn’t care.  He lays in his bed, and stares at the ceiling, and feels shitty about thinking of nothing else than the two non-seconds where their fingers maybe brushed and the smile on Adams face when he bumped their shoulders. 

They’re friends.  _Friends.   Friends. Frrrriiiieeeeends_ ….and Adam had more important things to focus on then your car.

Ronan’s stomach aches though.  What if he was remembering what Cabeswater whispered into the room last night?  Adam was good at Latin, almost as good as him, but what if he didn’t know what it meant when they made plans and then in class he looked it up or something and changed his mind?  Does he not want to lead Ronan on?   _Oh Christ_. 

Ronan curls in on himself in the bed, sure that Adam knows and is at this moment thinking of ways to let him down easy.  How fucking shitty.  I mean, of course he always knew Adam would never actually return his feelings, but at least he could bare it, as long as Adam never really knew for sure the way Ronan felt.  But fucking Cabeswater had to go interfering and ruining his fucking life, like it hadn’t done that enough times already....Maybe he just fell asleep?   _Holy Fucking Hell_. 

Ronan sighs.   _He’s not your business.  Just leave it alone.  Leave it alone._  

The next day at school Ronan doesn’t wait in the parking lot.  He doesn’t speak to Adam in Latin, and he doesn’t walk with him in the halls.  He’s going to give him space.  Adam doesn’t need some overbearing friend taking up all his time.  After school he heads right for the barns, leaving his phone in the car. 

The next day goes pretty much the same, except that Adam looks a little worse for wear.  Ronan worries if he’s eating or sleeping enough.  He tries not to bother him again, but it’s harder today.  Adam just hangs his head over his desk and takes notes a little less enthusiastically than normal.  Unable to bare it any longer, just as the bell rings, Ronan kicks Adam’s chair leg.  Adam looks at him…is -is he blushing?  Ronan raises an eyebrow, but Adam just looks away quickly.   

When Gansey and Ronan arrive home after school there is a strange unmarked white van in the parking lot.  Gansey and Ronan exchange a “look” and Ronan briefly worries if their plan against Greenamantle is about to backfire extraordinarily.  A touch of panic rises in him.    As they get out of the car, it’s Gansey that speaks first.  “Hello there.  Can I help you?”  A middle aged, slightly pudgy man steps out of the driver’s side door.  Ronan thinks that as long as the back of the van isn’t full of more people, he’s positive he can take down this one guy.  His anxiety lessons a fraction. 

“Yeah- Uh….I’m looking for a…”  the man looks down at a sheet of paper on a clip board.  “Ro-Nan  - Lynch.”  

“Who’s asking?”  Ronan growls at the man, who looks a bit confused by the aggressive tone of the question.  Gansey moves to stand slightly in front of Ronan, but the stranger seems to know he’s found the right guy.  He pulls open the van’s side doors with a loud _Whoosh_ , and Ronan and Gansey both tense up, ready for anything - but he pulls out….an edible fruit arrangement. 

OK…they were ready for _almost_ anything.

Gansey and Ronan just look at the thing, wide-eyed.  It’s the strangest thing they’ve ever seen.  Stranger than talking trees, stranger than manifesting dreams into reality, stranger than princesses that sleep for 600 years in caves. 

“I need you to sign for it.” The man says, a little unnerved by their blank expressions.  Gansey is the one that snaps out of it first, and looks to Ronan, who is still confused and gaping, so he takes the pen from the man and signs.  With that he delivery man thrusts the bouquet of fruit into Gansey hands, and turns to leave.  The spread isn’t too big, but it’s full of several chocolate dipped strawberries, and bits that look like pineapple and what are those bits? Gansey wonders.  “Fucking Melon balls?”  Ronan stutters over the words and Gansey chuckles.  It really is quite ridiculous.

“Oh wait!  I forgot.”  The man is now walking back to Ronan, since Gansey hands are already full.  He hands Ronan a single black rose, and a card.  Ronan’s heart races - his chest is burning.  He has no idea what to do or where to look, but he can feel Gansey staring at him.

“Ronan – who, I mean – not to imply that someone wouldn’t, uh…but who would send you flowers?”     

Ronan glares at Gansey before sliding the card into his pocket without reading it and walks inside; holding the rose like an afterthought, but the stem is burning  red hot in his hand. 

Gansey, remembering his manners, pulls a bill out of his pocket to tip the driver and heads inside after Ronan with the fruit arrangement. 

Ronan is already locked in his room but Noah is sitting on the pool table practically glittering with excitement  as he flickers in and out.

Gansey sets the fruit bouquet down with a sigh.  “Noah, what….”

“IT’S ADAM!  IT’S FROM ADAM!” He’s clapping his hands and fading out almost completely from this splurge of excitement.

“Our Adam?  ADAM, Adam?”

All Gansey gets back is a squeal of ultimate delight.  Gansey just nods, surprised, but not completely.

 

In his room, Ronan lies on his back in his bed, his whole body thrums.  He wants to feel disdainful – what a stupid gesture.  What a waste of money…A Rose?  Really?  But his eyes trace over Adam’s elegant script on the card again and again, as he breathes in the unearthly sweet scent of the rose.  The rose Adam picked out for him. 

 

 _I_ _’m sorry that I missed the other night._

_If it was just up to me, we'd spend most our time together._

_T_ _he flower is black, like your BMW, that **I will** fix if you still want me to._

 _P.S.  I hope you like fruit._  

 

Gansey raps his knuckles lightly on the door. “Ronan?”

“Fuck Off, Dick!”

“Right.…I put the uh, the _bouquet_ in the fridge for you.” 

Ronan sits up, and puts his head between his knees.  He takes a deep breath. 

 _OK.  What the FUCK and I supposed to do now?_ He thinks.

"CALL HIM!” Noah pleads.  As he appears at the foot of Ronan’s bed without any warning.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT NOAH!”

“Call him.  Oh my god!  Call him now!  Call him.  I need to listen!”

“Noah. Get out.” 

Ronan aims for a cool detachment in his voice.  He’s is above all this.  But he knows Noah never takes him at face value.

Noah just pouts at him and says, “Okay, but I happen to know that the red-head girl at the Gelato place is planning to make her move on him the next time he shows up, so…you better make _your move_ first.” 

Ronan wants to dream a million ways to shut Noah up, but he can’t help wondering if he is actually telling the truth.  He doesn’t like the idea of yet another girl grabbing Adam’s attention.  He wants to strangle Noah for the added anxiety, and for being in his head, and for smirking like he is right now, probably downright gleeful at Ronan’s pathetic heart. 

Ronan just glares. “WHAT?” he snaps.

Noah just shrugs “Boys as pretty as Adam don’t stay single for long.” 

Ronan takes a couple deep breaths and tucks his head back between his knees.  When he looks up Noah is gone.  It was possible Noah was lying, but he reaches for his phone anyway.  

He texts because he’s not sure what his voice will sound like if he tried to actually talk. 

 

_Ronan:    After school tomorrow_

_Come help with the BMW_

 

Adam texts back almost immediately.

 

_Adam:    I have work after school until 8_

_Should I call out?_

 

Ronan can’t believe that Adam would even consider this – calling out for a shift?  He must think that Ronan was really mad about the other night.  Ridiculous.  Ronan doesn’t want him to feel that way. 

 

_Ronan:    Nah.  Don’t worry about it._

 

Ronan sets the phone down and pads out into the kitchen.  He’ll figure this out.  Whatever the hell is going on.  He opens the fridge and just stares at the bouquet that Adam sent.   He knows what it _should_ mean, but still, it just doesn’t make any sense.  He grabs a handful of grapes, some strawberries and pineapple and eats them while standing in the kitchen/bathroom/laundry.  He tries hard not to think about why people usually eat chocolate covered strawberries. 

He almost chokes on one.  

They are good though. 

Ronan slams the fridge shut, a little too forcefully.

Back in his room he sees that he has another message. 

 

_Adam:  I’ll swing by after_

 

Ronan sets his phone down very carefully, and then picks up the rose; the petals are soft on his cheek and he brushes it back and forth there absentmindedly.  

He wonders if that's what Adam’s lips might feel like.  His gut clenches at the thought.  He sets the rose back down on his nightstand and shut his eyes.  Chainsaw flies over to him and picks the rose up in her beak.  She settles on Ronan’s stomach, dropping the rose there as well, and preens her feathers.  Ronan strokes her gently, only briefly letting his fingers dip back to the silken petals. 

The next day at school they don’t talk.  Ronan sits behind Adam in Latin and can’t stop looking at his pink ears.  Adam “studies” furiously and Ronan can feel Gansey’s gaze moving back and forth between them.  Ronan skips out before lunch.  He can’t stand whatever limbo they’re in.  So he decides to wait it out at home.   

Gansey finds Adam in the library during lunch.  “So this is where you’re hiding out.”

“I’m not hiding out, I’m – studying…for – Physics.”

“Of course.  Here.”  Gansey pulls out half a sub he bought for lunch. “I couldn’t finish it all.  Could you eat it?”

Adam looks to Gansey, wondering if its just him worrying about him, or if he really couldn’t eat it?  “Sure.  Maybe.” 

Adam takes the sandwich and sets it down next to him on the desk, still wrapped. 

“So…are you and Ronan going to hang out tonight?”  Gansey asks

“Gansey…I’m -  I’m going to come over after my shift to work on the BMW.  That’s all.”

“Okaay.”  Gansey leans on the desk.  “Ronan had a delivery yesterday.”

Adam lets out a long sigh and closes his book.  He doesn’t look at Gansey when he says,  “Do you really need me to talk to you about this?”

“No Adam, I just hope that eventually you talk to Ronan about it.”

“We will.  _I_ will.”

Gansey nods.  He wants to ask more questions, he wants to congratulate Adam, and a part of him wants to warn him about the more unsavory parts of Ronan, but Adam would already know all that too.  The good and the bad.  He knows Ronan now in a ways that maybe even Gansey doesn’t.  So instead, he just lays his hand on Adams shoulder and squeezes.

“Well, I’m rooting for you.”

Adam opens his book again, and pretends to be reading.  When Gansey pulls his hand away, and starts to retreat Adam says “Thanks Gansey.”  

 

After work, Adam drives right to Monmouth.  He knows that he shouldn’t be nervous.  He’s done this a million times before.  Nothing’s changed. But that’s not true, because he sent one of his BEST FRIENDS A FUCKING FRUIT BOUQUET! 

_What was I thinking?  Why did I do this?  Who in their right mind would send Ronan Lynch flowers….FRUIT?_

He sighs.  _Everything’s changed._  

He had seen the black rose in the window of the florist shop that day and knew he had to have it.  It was exactly the same as the roses from his dream. That had to mean something - Right?  But it didn’t seem like enough….so he gave in to a moment of insanity and sent that stupid fruit thing too.  In retrospect, it was a little funny actually, but he couldn’t imagine what Ronan must have thought when he saw it.  What had Gansey thought?   _Oh God._   

But, it was said and done now.  He had to just deal with it.   

When he pulls into the parking lot he doesn’t go inside.  He just walks right up to Ronan’s car and gets started.  He wishes he wasn’t in his dirty work clothes; which is silly because Ronan’s visited him at work before.  He knows what Adam looks like.  And besides, Adam can’t change what he looks likes, or who he is deep down; not that he hasn't tried tried- a lot -  but Ronan always sees through all that.  The BMW is unlocked.  Of course it is. 

 

Noah catches Ronan watching Adam out the window, and tries to see what Ronan sees.  He guesses that there _is_ something graceful and purposeful about the way Adam moves.  Adam rubs his jaw when he thinks, grease spreading over the smooth planes of his face like a oil painting.  His arm muscles move in unison, strong and sure as he works; he's pretty.  Most of all though, Noah watches Ronan. 

There is a struggle playing out across his face.  There is desperation so strong Noah can hardly stand to be near it.  Most of his baser human instincts are hard to tap into now that he’s been dead seven years, but he doesn’t remember having ever felt so strongly about someone when he was alive, though he doubts most people ever do.  He lets Ronan see him then. 

“Go out to him.” Noah says gently.

Ronan just closes his eyes.  He doesn’t speak. There is just too much at stake.

“Well, if I were alive" Noah continues, "I think I’d be getting hungry about now?  Don’t you think?”

Ronan looks at Noah then, a grin cutting its way across his sharp face. 

“You know, you’re not always such a little shit.”

Noah shrugs but glows a little bit brighter.  “Thanks man.  Order something filling too.  I don’t think he’s eaten much in the past couple days.” 

 

Adam looks up when a strange car pulls into the driveway.  Ronan walks out of Monmouth and takes a large brown bag from the man, handing him some bills.  Adam just watches them.

“Common Parrish”  Ronan tilts his head towards the house.  “I got us dinner.  I’m fucking starved.” 

“You don’t have to pay me back for...”  Adam starts, but Ronan cuts him off.

“Of course I’m not paying you!  What _I said_  was come fucking eat.”

Adam smiles and shakes his head at Ronan’s annoyed expression.  He wipes his hands on his pants, and follows Ronan into Monmouth. 

 

Upstairs, Ronan is already putting the food onto plates, as if it’s a home cooked meal or something. 

“Grab drinks would you.”  He shouts to Adam. 

Adam opens the fridge and his ears burn when he sees the proof of his impulsivity.  The fruit bouquet is in there.  It takes up most of the room in the fridge, even though half the fruit was already eaten .  He hopes it at least looked nice when it arrived.   It had cost him almost a day’s wages.  It didn’t matter though…he needed to say something, and since his words had failed him with Ronan for so long, he didn’t know what else to do.  Adam felt like such a colossal looser though…. _a fruit bouquet…for real?_  

He huffed out a long, self loathing breath.  Why would Ronan ever be interested in him?  He was useless at this stuff.   Would he even mention it, or would they just pretend that Adam had never made a fool of himself?

“Beer, Coke or Water?”  He asks over his shoulder. 

“Beer!…. _.Hell_.”  Ronan answers.  The last bit quiet enough to be a whisper.  He sounds nervous.  

Adam gets out two.  He could actually use a drink as well tonight.  He never really likes to drink, but tonight he'll make an exception. When he brings both beers over to the table, Ronan raises his eyebrow at him, and then tosses a fork at his chest.

“You’re having a drink too?”  Ronan asks, sounding a little pleased.

“Yeah…I think it’s warranted - under the circumstances.”  

Adam glances up at Ronan just in time to see him look away, but there's a slight burn to his cheeks.

“Yeah.” Ronan says.

“Yeah.” Adam says.

The food looks amazingly good, and Adam’s stomach growls loudly. 

“Well, dig in Parrish.  Don’t wait for me.”

“Where’s Gansey?  Is he eating too?”

“No.  He’s out.”

“Oh.” Adam says.

“Oh.” Ronan says back teasingly.  It seemed like a thing they were doing now.

They ate. 

Ronan had ordered burgers, fries, and jalapeño poppers.  It was delicious and greasy and more of a splurge than Adam was used to.  

As Ronan puts his burger down, (really they're huge) he can't believe that Adam was really already finished with his.  Ronan says: “So thanks…you know, for….”  Could he say “the rose”?  He wasn’t so sure.

Adam blushes profusely, and freezes mid chew,  another popper ready to fall from his mouth.

“MMmmmhhmmm.”  He mumbles.  Grateful that his mouth was full. 

Finally Ronan can't stand it anymore. 

“This is fucking weird Parrish!  What the hell was that all about?  I mean, well- it wasn’t a big deal that you didn’t make it the other night. I get it, you’re busy!  I don’t expect you to make my problems your priority, but that card….I…..???!!!”

Adam was nearly choking now.  He pounded his chest with his first while Ronan watched him murderously.  He coughed some more. 

“I know.  I know." Adam pleads.  "I’m a mess.  I don’t know Lynch!  What do you want me to say?”

“How about the truth?”  Ronan hisses

Adam nods.  “OK.  Okay, the truth?"  That was fare.  

"The truth.  The truth is I wanted to do something nice for you.  You never let me.  And I was really looking forward to coming over that night….maybe I thought something might finally happen, but then someone called out at the shop and I was forced to stay late, and then YOU never pick up YOUR DAMN PHONE!  So, I couldn’t even call you to cancel, and then you acted so fucking weird for two days, and I thought….I don’t know, I really have no idea what I thought.”

Adam takes a deep breath and then finishes off his beer, looking anywhere but Ronan’s eyes.  His fingers pluck at the seam of his pants nervously.  There was a long silence and Ronan’s heart was beating right out of his chest.  

“What did you think was going to happen?”  Ronan asks.

Adam tries to level him with his gaze. 

“Don’t make me say it Lynch.”

“No.  Fucking say it." Ronan insists.  "What. Did. You. Think. Was. Going. To. Happen. Parrish?” 

Adam closes his eyes.  God he hated Ronan sometimes!  _Why was he doing this to him?  Ronan had never come out and said it!  Why was this his responsibility?_  

But he guessed Ronan had made himself clear, in other ways, while Adam always played his cards a little closer to his chest. 

He needed to be clear.  He thought the damn rose and the stupid fruit arrangement was clear enough, but obviously Ronan was intent on humiliating him, or killing him.  Whichever was more painful. 

“Ronan…..”  Adam tired for the words again.  He was mostly just growling at this point.  Frustration lacing every syllable.

“C'mon..”  Ronan teased.  “Out with it!”  He threw a popper at Adam’s head.

Adam looked up at Ronan then - his smug face, his bright eyes, the way his arm muscles flexed under his weight as he leaned just slightly towards Adam.  _What a prick!  God, he wanted him_. 

Adam leaned in, and for the half a second it took Ronan to realize what his intentions were, Adam relished the look of panic on his face.  Adam had to practically crawl across their plates.  Anything to not have to talk about it anymore! 

He grabbed the back of Ronan’s neck and pulled him toward him.  Their lips met and Ronan sighed against his mouth, and then stiffened.  Adam couldn’t help but smile.  He knew Ronan would hate himself for that brief lapse in self-control.  Not pulling away, Adam made his way over the food.  But then he stopped, only long enough to ask,

“Is this OK?” into Ronan’s opening mouth.

Ronan’s eyes were blown wide.  He didn’t speak but his chin gave the briefest nod.  Adam closed the distance between them again and seeing no other way to be as close to Ronan as he needed, sat himself neatly in his lap.  He tasted of salt and beer.  

Ronan groaned deeply as Adams weight settled down on him.  He wrapped his arms around Adams waist, holding him in place.  His one hand making his way up and under Adam’s shirt, raking his fingers down his back.  Adam gasped into his mouth and Ronan took the chance to deepen the kiss, his tongue dipping into Adam’s mouth.  Adam went boneless against him with the onslaught of feeling.   

Adam pushed backward, forcing Ronan onto his back on the cold floor, he needed to be closer still.

“Ronan” Adam sighed.  “I don’t...but... I do...!”

“Stop talking nerd.” Ronan whispered into his good ear, before biting it.  He only wanted Adam to be sighing and groaning; he didn’t want to think of the _why_ and _how_.  

Adam rolled his hips against Ronan and they both shuddered at the contact.

Then Ronan pushed him away.  Holding him off as Adam eagerly tried to get back to the kissing.

“Gansey could be home soon.” Ronan said.

Adam looked embarrassed.  “Do you want me to go?”

“No!  I mean, unless you want to.” 

Adam shook his head, and that gave Ronan the confidence to say what he wanted to say next. 

“We, uh….we could go to my room?”  Adam blushed a deep crimson that spread from cheek to cheek, bridging across his sculpted nose.  But he nodded again.  Ronan walked to his room then, not grabbing Adam’s hand to lead him.  He didn’t know what the rules were yet, where the lines were drawn; he was just happy that Adam wasn’t leaving.   

When Adam made his way into the Ronan’s bedroom Ronan was standing awkwardly in the middle of it.  Adam closed the door behind him, and leaned back against it.  He let his head fall back hard against the door, and closed his eyes to settle his breathing.  What was he doing?  He wondered what Ronan was thinking.  They were behind a closed door now.  Did he want all of this?   \

A hand ran down his arm, and Adam couldn’t help but relax under the gentle touch.  He opened his eyes, and Ronan was looking at him now.  _That look_!  Yes, Adam did want this.  He wanted Ronan to look at him like this forever, but more so he wanted Ronan’s hands on him again.  Everywhere.   His entire body was on fire with the need of it.  He reached out and grabbed a fistful of Ronan’s Tshirt, pulling him hard, their bodies slamming together pleasurably. 

They kissed. 

They kissed and kissed and when Ronan pushed his body against Adam harder he could feel both their erections pressed between them.  He rolled his hips out to meet Ronan’s, unable to stifle a groan at the friction.  He wasn’t sure how this would end, but he knew he didn’t want it to.  He wasn’t sure what Ronan had in mind but he knew that whatever Ronan wanted, he would give him. So he asked.

“What do you want Ronan?”  He hardly recognized his own voice.

“This.”  Ronan purred into his neck as his kissed his way up to his jaw and behind his ear.  His breath was wet and hot at Adam’s ear, and when Ronan pushed up against him again, Adams knees buckled under the attention.

Adam was still pressed up against the door, the wood hard at his back and biting into his shoulder blades, but he didn’t care, because it was Ronan’s strong body that was pinning him there.  He felt their bodies touching from their knees to their lips.

“Yeah - This.”  Adam practically whimpered.

Ronan awarded him with another push against his groin. 

Adam sputtered:  “But…do you want…do you want me to...”

He couldn’t say it.  He wasn’t sure where Ronan’s experience lie, but his ended somewhere in the living room.  Ronan pulled back then. 

“What do _you_ want Adam.”

Adam thought about it.  He wasn’t really sure.  All he knew was this:  “I just don’t want to stop.  Not yet.”

Ronan smiled at him, broad and brilliant.  That was apparently _exactly_ what he hoped to hear; so in one swift maneuver he spun them both around to the bed.  Adam fell back onto it and then scrambled backwards on his elbows to make room for Ronan.  It was hard to even _see_ Ronan this way.  It was like his skin was made of light.  He was primal and he moved in his skin differently.  He was like water over stones, and his eyes- his eyes made Adam’s guts turn and his groin ache.  There was fire in his eyes.  The burning blue looked almost black. 

“You’re fucking sexy as hell right now.”  Adam blurted out in between ragged breaths.  

He clenched his jaw and then closed his eyes from the embarrassment of having said that.  _God!_ _What the hell made him say that?  Couldn’t he just be quiet?_

But Ronan didn’t seem to mind because just then Adam felt a light tug at his jeans and the button unsnap between Ronan’s fingers.  He thought he might die from just this.

Ronan crawled over him on his hands and knees and kissed Adam again, forcing his head down onto the mattress.  This time was messier, hungrier.  Ronan held Adam between his knees, his tongue diving deeper into Adam’s mouth as his hand found his way into the front of his jeans. 

“uughhhhhh”  Adam couldn’t even make words.  He couldn’t tell where he stoped and Ronan started.  All his senses were flooded.  The whole entire world was gone, and all there was left was Ronan.

Feeling his hand palming his dick, his brain short circuited.  He was very aware of his limbs, and they were on fire.  Sparks shot out of him from where Ronan touched him and it was too much.  He would cum from only this.  It had been an impossible fantasy for so long and now, somehow, here they were.   Adam wanted more of Ronan before it was all over though, he didn’t want it to be over.  

He pushed himself up, forcing Ronan to release him and change position, but Adam held Ronan tight on his lap.  He rucked up Ronan’s shirt, so he could see his skin.

“Take this off.”  He growled. 

Ronan obliged, and then grabbed at Adam’s shirt as well. With Ronan on top of him, Adam took the liberty to trail his fingers up and down Ronan’s ribs as they kissed.  As soon as he reached for his pants though, Ronan’s mouth pulled away.  Adam didn’t look up at him, he wasn’t ready to see what was written on Ronan’s face, so he peppered kisses across Ronan’s chest and pulled his zipper down.  Feeling dangerous and half mad he let is tongue slip out and flick over Ronan’s nipple.  Ronan made a noise of either shock or pleasure, or both.  Then as soon as Ronan leaned in to take another kiss, Adam slipped his hand into Ronan’s boxer shorts and wrapped his hand around him.  He was shaking uncontrollably now.  His brain was racing.  He was touching Ronan.  Ronan’s dick was in his hand.  And all he could think about was how good it felt, how heavy and how smooth.

Holding Ronan this way was opening something in Adam, something new and wonderful and he chased that feeling.  Adam gripped Ronan how he would himself, and he kissed Ronan deeper as he began to jerk him off. 

“Adam…”  Ronan was practically crying his name.

“Shhh.”  Adam whispered into his ear.  His own neediness was pressed up tightly under Ronan’s ass and he was sure that he could feel it, but he didn’t care.  He just wanted to make him feel good.  He wanted him to keep breathing like he was, and kissing him like he was. Adam pushed Ronan over, so he was no longer on Adam’s lap.  He wanted to be on top of him, and to his surprise Ronan let himself be pushed down on his back. 

He was different under Adam’s touch and it was beyond belief.  Adam kissed him hard and then pulled Ronan’s pants down further to get them out of the way.  He looked at him laid out on the bed.  With one hand he brushed his fingers from Ronan’s pale muscular thighs back up to wear he knew Ronan needed him.  He jerked him faster this time.  Harder.  And watched as Ronan’s body coiled tighter and tighter under his touch.   

“Adam.”  Ronan pleaded.  So he kissed him again, pressing their bare chests together.  Relishing in the heat and sweat.  Ronan worked his fingers into Adam’s hair and bit at his lips, and Adam thought he might be in heaven. 

“Should I do something different?”  Adam asked, wanting to make it just right. 

“No...just  God, Adam.  Just….keep going.”

Adam kissed Ronan again, and kept up his pace.  Ronan’s hips rose up to meet Adam’s hand his impatience growing.  Adam was overcome.  Ronan was magnificent.  He was lost in it all.  So he said it. 

“You’re magnificent.”  He said it like a prayer against Ronan’s lips.  

And Ronan broke. Adam worked him through it, kissing him through his orgasm, which was basically Adam sucking on Ronan's bottom lip as his mouth hung open in a silent moan.  Adam felt the warmth spill over his hand, and somehow, unexpectedly, it turned him on even more. 

He released Ronan and looked around for something to wipe his hands on.  Ronan tossed him his black T. 

“Here.  Fuck.  Just use this.” 

Adam took the shirt and cleaned his hands like he would wipe off the grease after a day at the shop.  Ronan’s whole body was flushed pink and Adam couldn’t help smiling.  He did that.  He did that to Ronan Lynch.

“What’s so fucking funny?”  Ronan asked him, no anger in his voice, just curiosity.

“Nothing…I’m…I don’t know.  Glad I guess.”  Adam admitted.

Ronan sat up then, kicking his pants the rest of the way off so he could move properly.

“Not as glad as your're about to be.”  Ronan smirked, and Adam knew he must be making a face. 

He knew he should be blinking and not swallowing so loudly, but he wasn’t sure that he could ever get used to _that_ _look_ in Ronan’s eyes. 

Ronan pushed him down onto his back and started pulling his jeans down without ceremony.

“Ronan, stop….”

Ronan stopped. He looked up at Adam, who was breathing heavy, but pulled up on his elbows, looking anxious.

“What - What’s wrong?”   Worry and deep seated insecurity flashed across Ronan’s face so clearly that Adam's heart wrenched, and he felt the need to clarify even if it would embarrass himself.

“No, nothing. It’s just…I’m…I’ve never. I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. I just….”

“If you don’t want me to Adam, we don’t have to.”

“No.  _I want you to_ …I’m just...”

Ronan could see the panic building in Adam’s eyes, so he did the only thing he could think of.

“Adam. Close your eyes. Just trust me OK. It’s me.” Then he added. “I don’t bite.” Just because he knew it would made Adam laugh and it did. 

Of course Ronan Lynch bit!

“Yeah. Yeah.  OK.” Adam said after a moment; he closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the pillow. He felt Ronan slowly pull one of his legs out of his pants. He really wished he could have showered after work, but he never thought…

“You smell like gasoline.” Ronan said as if reading his thoughts.

“I know. I’m sorry.”  Adam grimaces, but Ronan just inhales and places a kiss to Adam’s thigh as he works his other leg free.

“Are you kidding? I like it.  Like, a lot.”

Adam laughs again. How funny that it should be this easy to be with Ronan this way.  No shame.  Ronan takes a second to appreciate the sound of Adam's easy laughter and what it does to the muscles working in Adam’s chest and stomach.

“You’re just trying to butter me up.” Adam jokes.

“Always.” Ronan agrees, wiggling his eyebrows as he settles on top of Adam. 

“Keep your eyes closed. Relax, and tell me if you want me to stop.”

Adam nods and Ronan kisses him.  They kiss and kiss until Adam is so lost to the sensation of Ronan’s lips and his weight on top of his nearly naked body, that all his anxiety melts away.  He wants Ronan so badly, he'll let him do anything, have anything.  He feels like the realization should scare him, but there is no room in him for that, because Ronan is taking up all of him.

Ronan moves down to his neck, and kisses lightly over his collarbone and shoulders, all the while using his hands to massage.  He works his way down, down, down almost agonizingly slow. Like he’s savoring every time his lips meet Adam’s skin. 

“Lift your ass.” Ronan says, and Adam does. He slips his too-old boxer shorts down, and grabs him. Adam lets out a soft groan, and lifts his hips into the touch enough that he manages to lift Ronan up a little bit. 

“You’re so damn lovely Adam, You know that..?”

Adam just squeezes his eyes shut tighter. He knows he’s not. But having Ronan think so is everything. Too much.

Ronan watches the way Adam’s body writhes under his touch and he’s breathing heavy just watching Adam unwind.

“Adam...? You remember what I said right?”

Adam nods vigorously, his mouth clamped shut tight; he is so lost.  That’s when Adam feels it.  Hot breath and soft lips….and oh GOD, slick wetness gliding over his dick.

A strangled gasp escapes his throat. Ronan pauses to see if Adam will ask him to stop, but he doesn’t. So he rubs his tongue, flat against Adam’s length, and takes the head into his mouth, sighing against it. Adam’s entire body shudders.  Ronan’s picks up his pace, jerking Adam off into his mouth, occasionally taking all of him in, and then releasing him again. 

“Ro-Ronan.” Adam’s body jerks again and Ronan looks up. He’s staring at him, eyes wild and full of more energy and power than Ronan has ever seen in his life. Ronan smiles, and without breaking eye contact sticks his tongue out and licks a line up Adam’s shaft. It's the look in Ronan’s eyes that does it. The devilish wanting, the uncontained desire that sends him over the edge. He cums with a groan and Ronan can’t help but feel proud, and if he’s being honest, a little smug. 

No matter what, he’ll be Adam Parrish’s first.  He holds that inside himself like a second beating heart.

“It’s late. Stay here tonight.” Ronan suggests.

Adam is exhausted, but he doesn’t want Ronan to think he expects anything.

“It’s OK.  I can just go.”

Ronan glares at him as he tries to sit up. 

“Sit the fuck down Parrish.” 

Adam raises his hands up in mock surrender. “I am kind of tired.” he admits.

“Kind of... _Riiiggghhht_.  Move over.”

Adam moves over and slides under the cover. He is amazed at how relaxed he feels. At how soft the bed is. At how much he wants to wrap his arms around Ronan, and stay wrapped up in him throughout the night. Ronan turns off the light and slides in next to him. He doesn’t say anything or move to touch Adam again, and after a minute of awkward silence, Adam figures that this should be the least embarrassing thing they do tonight, so he wraps an arm around Ronan and pulls him closer.

“Jeeze.  Didn’t expect you to be a cuddler.” Ronan tires to sound derisive, but it comes out too soft. Too pleased.

“Yeah. Me either.” Adam admits.  

And after another moment…not very long at all actually, Ronan relaxes too. He lets his fingers find their way back to Adam’s hair, and Adam leans back into the touch. They both sleep.  

The next morning Adam wakes up first. Something smells amazing. Then like a spike to his chest he sees them. Roses. Hundreds of pure white rose blossoms are littered across the bed. He’s shocked, and then badly impressed when he looks down at Ronan. He is still asleep, and atop his head like a crown is a mess of large white blooms. Adam leans in and touches one. A slow smile works its way across his face. How did a boy like him, ever end up with a boy like this?  The roses are like silk. Grabbing one from behind Ronan ear, he trails the bloom down over Ronan’s bare chest, just because he can. 

He speaks softly when he says “Wake up Sleeping Beauty.” Nudging Ronan’s hip with his own.

Ronan’s eyes open immediately taking in the sight before him. He sees Adam first and looks pleased, a little embarrassed even, but then seeing the state of the bed and the roses, he looks appalled.

“The Fuck?”

But then Adam drops the rose again, letting it skip across Ronan’s belly, and lower still, and Ronan very quickly remembers that they’re both still in nothing but boxers. Adam just smirks.  Ronan can’t help but smile back, one eyebrow raised, because something in Adam’s face is daring…infernal. 

Adam doesn’t hesitate now. That time is over. He leans in and together they fall easily back into sleepy kisses and touches that quickly turn into something warmer and more exciting and hopeful.                   

 

 


End file.
